Today we are happy to be hosting author and speaker Shelley Hitz. Take a moment to read her story of freedom from addiction and take advantage of her offer of a free Kindle copy of her book, “A Christian Woman’s Guide to Breaking Free From Pornography: It’s Not Just a Guy’s Problem.” More info below.

—Crystal Renaud
DGM Founder

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This past April, 2012, marked twenty years of following Christ in my life. I was blessed to grow up in a Christian home and was baptized when I was young, but did not choose to truly surrender my life to Christ until my junior year in high school. Once I committed my life to Christ everything in my life was perfect from that point on, right? Wrong.

I think sometimes we get the idea that being a Christian excludes us from certain trials, hardships and pain; but the Bible tells us differently. John 16:33 says, “In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I (Jesus) have overcome the world.” Notice it doesn’t say you might have trouble or if you have enough faith you won’t have trouble…it says you will have trouble. Matthew 5:45 also says that the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous.

So even though I was a Christian, I had brokenness and pain. My grandma was murdered when I was eight years old, I experienced an instance of sexual abuse in junior high and my dad was emotionally unavailable for me when I was growing up. My life was not perfect, but I still tried to put on the image that I had it all together.

My coping mechanisms for the emotional pain I held deep inside started with harmless things like shopping and workaholism. Then, it progressed into something worse…I had a secret. This secret sin started when I was 25 years old. I had been married for two years, my husband was in full-time ministry and we were active in ministry at our church. I had a successful career as a Physical Therapist. From the outside, it appeared that my husband and I were the picture of an ideal Christian couple.

However, it could not have been farther from the truth.

I Had a Secret Sin

You see, for two years, I struggled with internet pornography and masturbation. I thought I was the only Christian woman to ever struggle with this particular sexual sin. I felt dirty and disgusted with myself, but couldn’t stop.

It was like the proverbial frog in the pot. If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will jump out. However, if you put the frog in a pot of room temperature water and then gradually turn the temperature up, it will get cooked. And I got “cooked,” spiritually speaking. If Satan would have tempted me with hard core porn in the beginning, I would have rejected the temptation immediately. However, the temptation started out more innocently with soft porn. And I gave in. Pretty soon, that wasn’t enough and it gradually spiraled into worse material. I found myself looking at hard core porn.

It Shocked Me and I Knew I Needed Help

I am so thankful that God gave me the courage at that time to reach out for help. I confessed my sin to my husband and started Christian counseling. And I would love to say that I never gave in to viewing pornography after that point. But, it did not happen that way. As with most people that struggle with sexual addiction, it took time. I would take two steps forward and then one step back. But, through God’s grace I am free today.

Healing and Freedom is Possible

Recently, I was looking back at my journals from the last 12 years and realized that I have now been free from the stronghold of pornography and masturbation for a decade now. It was a process that was painful at times as I worked on forgiving those that hurt me and healed from deep emotional wounds from the past. But it was so worth it. St. Theophan Reculse is quoted saying, “Take one feeble step toward God and He will take a thousand toward you.” And I have found this to be true in my own life.

And now God is using my pain and the journey of healing He took me through to help others.

Shelley Hitz has been ministering alongside her husband, CJ, since 1998. They currently travel and speak to teens and adults around the country. Shelley’s main passion is to share God’s truth and the freedom in Christ she has found with others. She does this through her books, websites and speaking engagements. Shelley’s openness and vulnerability, as she shares her own story of hope and healing, will inspire and encourage you.

Shelley has been writing and publishing books since 2008 including the book she co-authored with S’ambrosia Curtis, “A Christian Woman’s Guide to Breaking Free From Pornography: It’s Not Just a Guy’s Problem.” During their book launch on 9/26/12-9/27/12, you can download a free Kindle copy and also enter to win over $400 worth of resources. Find out more at www.ChristianWomenandPorn.com

Have you ever wished you knew more about how to help women who struggle with pornography or sexual addiction? In this webinar, Crystal Renaud, along with other members of the DGM team, will walk you through what makes female sexual addiction unique and will offer steps you can use to provide women with help, hope and healing.

The webinar is open to both men and women, but the content will be specific to the needs of female addicts. Whether you’re a pastor, a women’s ministry director or just have the desire to lead women in a recovery group, don’t miss this opportunity.

This webinar will take place on Saturday, January 26 from 9-11am CST. The cost is $15 which will help us offset the cost of the webinar software. As an incentive, you will also receive a copy of Dirty Girls Come Clean and a special unreleased group leader curriculum that contains additional discussion questions and content. Webinar is limited to the first 100 people.

Registration is now closed.

We are currently featuring guest posts from a several of the women who are leading breakout sessions at WHOLE.

Today’s post is from Blaire Pilkington, Director Of Intervention at Exodus Cry. She is leading the breakout session called “Sex Trafficking: The Battlefront of the 21st Century” at WHOLE. Don’t miss Exodus Cry’s hard-hitting documentary Nefarious: Merchant of Souls at WHOLE: After Hours following the main session August 24.

While Blaire hasn’t personally experienced what it is like to be trafficked, she has vast knowledge and experience in working with women who have been. You will learn a lot from her!

REGISTER TODAY

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Breakout: Sex Trafficking: The Battlefront of the 21st Century
Leader: Blaire Pilkington

When people first learn about the horrors of human trafficking and the modern day sex trade they are shocked, horrified, grieved and angry. As they face the reality that slavery is anything but history- they begin to ask, how can this injustice be happening in our modern day society? What can I possibly do in the face of such a wicked system of injustice?

I was 19 years old when I was first confronted with the shock of sex trafficking. At the time I was serving in impoverished areas of Cambodia with Youth With A Mission. Everywhere I went in this small nation, injustice seemed to thrive; but one of the darkest manifestations came from a thriving sex trade just under the surface. While there I witnessed older western men fondling teenage Cambodian girls on the beach, girls lined up outside of dingy store-fronts illuminated by the pinkish glow of the red-light behind them, and young prostituted girls waiting in line for STI checks at a clinic. These instances and many more are seared upon my memory and greatly shaped the course my life would take to one day work full-time to help these girls come out of the dark existence that is prostitution. Upon returning to the states and heading to college I began to research and read every book I could get my hands on related to this growing epidemic called human trafficking. What I would soon discover was that this issue wasn’t limited to tiny Cambodia, and was in fact, was a global billion-dollar industry effecting every nation in the earth. After graduating university several years later, I found myself working with a new organization called Exodus Cry and giving my life in a greater way to the Lord and to serving His heart for the ending of sex trafficking in our day.

Ten years ago trafficking was a little-known reality, yet in a short time this global injustice has been thrust into the lime-light in such a significant way that can only be an answer to the prayers of those who have contended for the light of Christ to expose this hidden crime.

In reality many women and children across the earth are recruited and forced into lifestyles of systematic rape and abuse called prostitution, this truth is beginning to be understood to a greater degree. Old cliché’s about prostitution being “the oldest profession in the world” are being undeniably refuted as many begin to understand that prostitution is one of the oldest oppressions in the earth, and that trafficking in persons is largely for the purposes of sex.

My own journey has led me to some of the darkest places in the earth where these women and children are sold to the highest bidder, from Tel Aviv to Rio De Janeiro, Amsterdam to South Africa, their stories aren’t all the same. Yet most have a background of sexual abuse as children that left them vulnerable to the recruitment strategies of those who exploit. Before they knew it, they were drawn in or simply taken into the underworld of forced prostitution where they are taught what they must do to survive. . A Canadian study revealed that women in prostitution have a mortality rate 40 times higher than the national average. The life of girls forced into prostitution is not one of choice, as its advocates claim; but rather a lack of choices that leads to destruction. With few options for escape many lose hope and give up on their freedom, accepting prostitution as their fate.

As Christ is in us, and His light emanates from us, we have the incredibly unique opportunity to walk into the dark places where exploitation occurs and bring the Light of Christ with us. To visit these ones in the place of their trouble with a message that transcends the darkness of their circumstances. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome. John 1:5 That light in us is like the striking of a match in a dark cave, a ray of hope, a flash of light that points to the way out. There is a way of escape for girls trapped in the cycle of exploitation, and His name is Jesus, His love knows no limits and is able to pierce even the hardest heart, heal the most broken.

For love is as strong as death, jealousy as cruel as the grave, its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can floods drown it. Song of Songs 8:6-7

We are currently featuring guest posts from a several of the women who are leading breakout sessions at WHOLE.

Today’s post is from Niki Ezzell. She is leading the breakout session for women called “How Do I Know Where I Need Healing After Abortion? ” at WHOLE. This is yet another sensitive subject matter so please keep comments respectful and civil.

It’s important to know that at WHOLE, every woman who leads a breakout has personally experienced the topic she’s addressing. These are real women who have found wholeness in their specific area of brokenness. There’s hope for whatever you’ve faced or are currently facing and for that friend, sister, mother, etc. that you don’t feel equipped to help today.

REGISTER TODAY

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Breakout: How Do I Know Where I Need Healing After Abortion?
Leader: Niki Ezzell

Almost 25 years ago, I sat in a doctor’s office anticipating what was going to happen next. My mom had made the appointment for me in an effort to save me from my own choices. Bless her; she really did think she was doing what was best for me. I could have spoken up – but I didn’t. Something in me knew that my promiscuous behavior was wrong…and now I was facing the consequences of my bad behavior. It was all my fault – no one to blame but me. This subject wasn’t anything my family wanted to talk about. So we didn’t. In fact, it was swept under the rug – never to be brought up again. I went in pregnant, came home not pregnant. End of story? Not even close.

About a year after the abortion, my mom was divorcing for a third time and our home was full of chaos and fighting. I didn’t want to be home and spent the majority of my summer nights partying with friends and chasing boys. One night at a party, I had too much to drink and was taken advantage of and raped. About two weeks before my senior year, I found out I was pregnant again. I kept replaying that night over and over in my head. How could I have allowed myself to get to the exact place I said I would never go again? I was so devastated and so embarrassed. I knew I was going to disappoint my mom again, but after describing the details of that horrible night with her, I made the decision that I would have an abortion and walk away, once more, from motherhood. The abortions left emotional scars that for the next 15 years I would suffer from.

About 14 years later, my husband and our 3 children began attending a wonderful church in our home town. We both felt that raising our children up in the church was a very responsible thing to do and that every child needed to know who Jesus was. Little did I know that God was really orchestrating something “behind the scenes” and had something in mind for me that I could never have guessed would happen.

Our small group was just about to finish up “The Purpose Driven Life” (a life-changing book for me personally). Pastor Warren challenged us to look at our past to find purpose in some of our greatest pains. One night I sat down at my computer and began writing out my story about my abortions. I sat in that chair for several hours, crying, sometimes sobbing, and praying my heart out to God. That night was monumental for me. For 14 years, I had denied that the abortions even happened. I wouldn’t even write it on a medical form. I literally stuffed away the pain, the guilt and the shame of my past.

Until it all came crashing in that night at the computer, on my knees praying and crying out to God. He had waited so patiently for me to get to this point.

Finally, it all became so clear. I just figured that the stress of being married, running a business and having three children was reason enough for my angry, emotional outbreaks over the years. Often times I would find myself striving to be “Super Mom” and trying so hard to be the perfect mother of perfect children. I have also been known to be over-protective in an unhealthy way. As I came to realize through my time of healing, these are just a few of the many behavioral issues and emotional turmoil that stem from abortion. For so long, I wouldn’t forgive myself and would feel angry for no reason. I would feel depressed and have feelings of sorrow and unworthiness. I suffered for many, many years without knowing that these were symptoms of Post-Abortion Distress.

I realize that there are women who seemingly have no regrets about choosing abortion and who have no apparent signs of physical or psychological side effects. Truthfully, until I started seeking God, I didn’t have any remorse for my abortions. The scars of my abortions ran so deep that it was easy to overlook and everything on the surface looked fine. It was when I decided to quit hiding from God and gave him the secrets of my life that I started to see a real change. God took me from a very dark place and brought me into the light. He may be calling you to give the secret areas of your life today. Will you answer His call?

“Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness, prisoners suffering in iron chains, because they rebelled against God’s commands and despised the plans of the Most High. So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains.” Psalm 107:10-14

We are currently featuring guest posts from a several of the women who are leading breakout sessions at WHOLE.

Today’s post is from Kathi Ward. She is leading the breakout session for women called “Hope Through Heartbreak” at WHOLE. This breakout is on the topic of child loss and Kathi has a powerful story of hope to tell through her experience of losing her daughter Ella Grace.

It’s important to know that at WHOLE, every woman who leads a breakout has personally experienced the topic she’s addressing. These are real women who have found wholeness in their specific area of brokenness. There’s hope for whatever you’ve faced or are currently facing and for that friend, sister, mother, etc. that you don’t feel equipped to help today.

REGISTER TODAY

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Breakout: Hope Through Heartbreak (Child Loss)
Leader: Kathi Ward

When I think about how much my life has changed in three years, it still amazes me. It doesn’t sound like a long time ago, yet in some ways it feels like an eternity. It was back before our world was forever shaken. Four beautiful children and pregnant with our 5th, a girl, and she was set to arrive by induction on July 28. I don’t remember having any fears about delivery, after all, I had been there, done that four previous times. I had faith in my doctor, the medical professionals and belief that all would go as planned. At the hospital I had all the expected preparations–IV, epidural, and then wait until it was time to push. When I got to that phase, I pushed a few times and then began to experience pain in my side. It was sharp, and not normal. I felt like I was going to pass out. My doctor came in to check on me, and that’s when it was clear that all was not right. Heart deceleration from the baby. Pain in my side increasing. My doctor urgently saying we would need to have an emergency C Section. In the operating room they said they were going to put me out so they could get going faster. I remember counting backwards as instructed. Little did I know how life would be different when I woke up.

When I woke up several hours later, everything was fuzzy. As I looked around the room, I had no idea where I was. I had a tube in my throat and I panicked when I couldn’t speak. After they removed it, I found my husband, and even though the ICU nurse told me to try not to talk, in a scratchy and confused voice, I asked him where Ella was. The look that followed was one that still haunts me. Eyes overflowing with tears, he said she did not make it, and had passed away. I thought I was dreaming at this point, and wondered when I would wake up. Judging from the looks of everyone in the room, this was not a dream, but my new reality.

After a while my doctor came in to see me. Compassionately, she explained to me what happened. The pain I felt in my side was my uterus rupturing. Totally vertical from one end to the other. A total rarity, since my body had never had any kind of surgery before. She said I came close to not surviving due to blood loss. She said that they were giving me transfusions as fast as they could. At this point I recall thinking I would gladly trade places and be the one to have died if I could bring Ella back.

The days to come were far from pretty. Thinking about funeral songs. Preparing scripture to use at the service. Picking out an outfit for her to be buried in. Selecting a cemetery. Choosing a casket. Trying to stand when you want to crumble. The non stop crying. Watching your other children process the loss of their sister. The funeral itself. Watching your child be buried. Physically gone forever. Wanting to make this nightmare go away.

However, even in this, I felt God’s hand of protection covering us. It felt like a blanket. Warm and comforting. Safe and assuring. We could feel Him working through others. I could go on for great lengths telling you about the wonderful things friends did for us during this time. Loving, sacrificial and compassionate things. We got through the first month in a haze, but still able to see all the blessings and the ways He uses people to minster to others. About six weeks after Ella’s death, a friend caught up with me at church and told me about an organization she read about that had a support group that helps parents deal with life after the loss of a child. She told me I should check it out when I felt I could. It took me a few weeks to muster up the courage to go. During the first meeting I just cried the entire time. Yet there was something oddly comforting about telling your story to people who could understand. They had also travelled the road that no parent ever wants to walk. I met some incredible women who were on the same journey I was. Not how you planned to meet a new friend, yes. But God knew what He was doing. Attending the group was a beginning to figure out how to move forward.

In the book of James, he says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.” (James 1:2). While we don’t welcome or enjoy the heartbreaking things that come our way we can still know what joy in the midst of our darkness is. God allows us to go through pain, then surprises us with joy and peace. He will give us “beauty for ashes.”( Isaiah 61:3). I had to come to a point where I trusted Him with my heartbreak. As crazy as it sounds, joy and pain can exist together. You have to trust Him to take care of it.

Almost a year after losing Ella, I was driving to pick something up at a friends house, and praying along the way. I remember telling God that Ella was suppose to be getting ready for her big birthday party and how much we missed her. I asked Him to guide me through the next few days. When I got back in my car to go home, I was driving along and turned a corner, and there was a giant rainbow. At first it didn’t register with me, but when I saw it was a double rainbow, I knew God was sending me a personal message. If you know about the story of Noah, the rainbow symbolized a new beginning. While life without her wasn’t what I wanted, after seeing the rainbow, I felt a little bit more at peace. Not the kind of peace where all is fine and dandy and that everything was perfect and my life was going to be smooth sailing from that point on. But the kind of peace that comes after a hard fought battle. It’s where you didn’t think you would live to share your story, you have a lot of scars to prove it. The type of battle that you were not going to give up ever, kind of peace. I’m not giving it up because the price I had to pay to get this peace was way too high. Traveling that road would have been impossible without the peace that only He can provide.

Just days ago, we celebrated the day our Ella would have turned three. Anniversaries are hard, and the days leading up to them are filled with much anticipation as to what the actual day will hold. What I have learned in three years is that I don’t have to be brave and put up a strong demeanor. Her life and death will always be a part of me, just as my leg or arm is a part of me. It will always sting, and always hurt. I have learned to find my way over and over. God brought others into my life to help me make it bearable, but I rely on Him to give me the strength to get through. I look forward to eternity and the chance to make up for lost time. Philippians 4:6-7 is one of the verses we held close when we had to say goodbye. It talks about not being anxious and telling God what you need. His peace will wash over you and let you know that He’s in the driver seat. You never have to go through it alone.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7