Today’s post is from guest author Sarah Markley. She’s a good friend of the ministry and an incredible writer—found at sarahmarkley.com
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Living over six years “clean” I initially shy away from something called “DIRTY GIRLS.”
What if someone sees it on my Facebook wall and doesn’t understand what it means? Or sees me respond via Twitter. What if someone peers through the fog and still makes out the faint “A” on my chest, my Scarlett Letter, the one I’ve tried so hard to move beyond?
I don’t want to be associated with something that’s “dirty” anymore. Six years. Six long years I’ve been clean.
Clean from pornography. From adultery. From all the pride and self-serving attitudes that went along with all of that.
I lived too long pure and un-smudged to be comfortable to take on the designation of dirty once again.
I’ve kept all my emails and internet use completely above board. Everything is public to my husband and to my friends if they wanted to see it. All my text conversations are readily accessible, my phone conversations, my contacts. All of my television watching. Everything. I’ve done all that I can to be disciplined and open with my life, especially in the areas where I’ve crashed and burned in the past.
So Dirty Girls?
But I get it.
I will always be dirty. In reality. My cleanliness has NOTHING to do with what I watch or don’t watch. It has everything to do with the condition of my heart. My heart, when left on its own, will drift back to dirty.
Yes, I won’t view pornography again and I won’t have an extramarital affair, either emotional or physical, but whether or not I’m a DIRTY GIRL has less to do with what do and more to do with what direction I face my heart.
If my life is faced toward the Cross, if that is where I truly place my eyes, then the unkemptness of the world has less of a hold on my heart. I will desire good things and the ick of immorality sicken my stomach.
So am I a Dirty Girl?
Only when I stop caring about Who is important and lose sight of the grace of the Cross.