Today’s guest post is from the incomparable, Tam Hodge. She resides over at InProgress. I got to meet her in May—and she’s as beautiful in person as she is in her amazing writing. I’ve been reading her blog for years and inevitably walk away with an “ouch” moment. In a good way of course. Today’s post is of no exception. In fact, her post today has inspired me to end my countdown to 25. While turning 25 still makes me anxious… there’s more to this life than counting days.

Today is a promise and I am going to strive to live it … loud and proud.

- – - – - – -

25. twenty-five. a quarter. a quarter century. the blessed age. the best age.

ahhh….i remember it so well. it’s like it was yesterday…only, it wasn’t. i do think i would go back to this age if i could though.

oh, definitely! the days when i seemed to have less butt. more elasticity in my skin. energy. metabolism. less fuzz on my face – what the heck is THAT all about?! the days when i believed i had all the time in the world to conquer my dreams. the time when my first born was only 2 years old. oh how i miss that stage.

the number one song the year i was 25 was Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio from the movie Dangerous Minds
i had seafoam green in my guest bathroom
i wore my pants above my belly button
i got a car phone for mothers day!
gas was $1.10 per gallon
i didn’t have a church home
i wore jeans overalls

life looks much different today, 14 years later. the things that were common, cutting edge and popular then are almost laughable now. and 14 years from now, i’ll say the same about today.

so…we live now. for today. not in the past. not in the future. if we’ve woken up today, then today is our promise. it is planned and has a purpose. use up every second of it you can. make your mark and leave your mark on it.

let it be known you meant to live today.

I heard this song on the radio yesterday morning, soon as after I hit publish on my post about friendship/community. This isn’t a very new song—but it really resonated with me, particularly as I relate it to that post.

The further I travel down this whole understanding of who God is and why things happen, I’m realizing that it all comes down to how much I really, truly trust in Him. How much I trust in Him to provide for me as well as protect me. Unfortunately, when realizing this, I also realize how much I lack in this area. Yet, I know I can’t keep doing this on my own—it is exhausting in my own power. I think that is why this song resonated in such a powerful way within me.

Check out the lyrics. Watch the video.
Let me know your thoughts.

“Savior, Please”
Josh Wilson

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don’t know how long I’ll last

I try to be so tough
But I’m just not strong enough
I can’t do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I’m nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You’re all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I’ll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don’t have to prove a thing
‘Cause You’re the one who’s saving me

Is it just me, or does it seem like making friends used to be easier?

The other afternoon I was standing in my front yard enjoying the fall colors, smells and cool temps when my state of autumn nirvana was interrupted by the sound of little neighbor boys barreling down the street. I found myself mesmorized by their innocence and just watched them for a bit. When they stopped at another neighbor’s house I overheard the following take place:

*Knock-Knock*
“Hey, can you come out and play?”

Soon, another young boy ran out of the house, out with the other boys and they all began bouncing around a basketball, fighting over which college basketball team was better than the other. What I noticed the most was how comfortable they seemed. You could tell they were of varying ages but it didn’t matter. Each one had a place and they belonged.

I remember being that age and having a similar experience with my girlfriends. Granted, we were playing “house,” “school” or some variation of “pretend” … but I remember how comfortable it was. There was always someone to play with and all it took was a couple knocks on the door and one simple question, “can you come out and play?”

But why and what point did all this get so difficult?

I moved away in middle school, leaving my childhood friends behind. And from then on, it seemed I never fit in. I even had a friend in high school go as far as to say that I was holding her back from her own popularity potential … and that was the end of our friendship. She became cheerleading captain, and I spent most days in a darkroom developing pictures for yearbook or in a practice room for vocal competitions.

In recent years, I’ve come into my own a bit more, but this idea of being popular or not, or liked or not, or valued or not has followed me into adulthood. Often times I just feel defective. Always taking the bump along the way onto myself—reverting back to a shy, self-conscious high school girl—just waiting to be crushed under the wheel again. And I have no doubt that this fear holds me back from truly genuine, and life-giving friendships and possibly contributed to the downfall of a couple of my closest friendships (or so is the belief of my Life Coach).

Some of you reading this will have no clue how to relate to this struggle. Making and keeping friends has always come easily to you… and that’s awesome. But I wonder how many other women (and men) struggle with making and keeping friendships (out of fear, anxiety or some variation). How many of us have been hurt enough times that it almost seems easier now to just fly solo?

In processing a lot of this, I am realizing just how hungry I am for a real community of friends. I am truly lonely. Granted, I love the friends the internet has brought me. In fact, I am indebted to them. And my friends who have moved away (it sucks when friends move away, can I just say that?)—I love having the technology that makes it possible to stay connected. And the friends I do have close by are wonderful.

But my heart is craving more.

My heart is craving genuine live community—a real group of girlfriends to laugh with, cry with and hug and commune with. It has been a while since I’ve felt this way, and to be honest with you… I am scared. I am scared of what it will mean to expose my heart again—of what it will mean to open up again—of what it will mean to risk being hurt again.

CS Lewis says, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

I am sure good old Lewis is right about this. But I struggle with trusting that this is truly out there for me.

I know this a pretty vulnerable post from me today. Definitely not what I truly intended on writing. So, feel free to break the tension a bit by commenting with a joke or something. Ha!

I’ve never been able to properly shoot a rubber band. I can get it all wound around my hand, position myself in front of my target, point with perfect precision and angle: but when I shoot, it always snaps backward. Always ending up with the rubber band still in my hand and with a pretty big sting to go along with the epic fail I created. This happens because I have no clue what I am doing, yet I do it anyway.

Each and every time.

The same can be said of those times when I pull my own will ahead of God’s will for me. In fact, I think we all do this. I mean, we are constantly moving forward. It seems to be the way humans are wired. But more often than not, we try to pull and stretch things in all sorts of directions—other than where God intends for us to go.

At first is seems okay. We stretch our will just enough to get a glimpse of what could be. We like what we see, so we keep stretching it. Like it is all going to work out perfectly in our favor. But with each step we take ahead of God’s, we stretch the rubber band. With each big decision we make without praying, we stretch the rubber band a little more. With each selfish motive we push, we stretch the rubber band all the more.

… until it snaps and we realize once again, that our will isn’t best. And sometimes, our will hurts when it snaps back like that. Just a like rubber band that isn’t properly set up for shooting—Or a rubber band that is stretched beyond what it was created to go.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”’ Matthew 16:24-25

When reading this bit of scripture, I am reminded of A.W. Tozer’s “The Pursuit of God” — the chapter of “The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing.” The most incredible section of this chapter is Tozer’s depiction of Abraham’s “ah-ha” moment.

In Genesis, God asks Abraham to kill his son to prove his loyalty to Him alone. That’s a huge ask, huh? Abraham’s son was the only thing Abraham ever wanted, the only thing he had ever asked for. While God stopped Abraham right before he killed his son, the moment just before God stopped him, is when Abraham is fully surrendered. You can see it. It is when Abraham sees with new eyes, just how amazing it feels to put God above all else: even if it meant letting go of the only thing he had ever held dear: his own son.

But why did God go to such drastic measure to test Abraham?

From Tozer: “The old man of God [Abraham] lifted his head to respond to the Voice [God], and stood there on the mount strong and pure and grand, a man marked out by the Lord for special treatment, a friend and favorite of the Most High. Now he was a man wholly surrendered, a man utterly obedient, a man who possessed nothing. He had concentrated his all in the person of his dear son, and God had taken it from him. God could have begun out on the margin of Abraham’s life and worked inward to the center; He chose rather to cut quickly to the heart and have it over in one sharp act of separation. In dealing thus He practiced an economy of means and time. It hurt cruelly, but it was effective.”

It hurt CRUELLY but it was EFFECTIVE.

Same thing happens with the rubber bands in our lives. In those times when we put our own will, ambition, joys and desires ahead of God’s. Doing this stretches the rubber band to the point of snapping. And it hurts. But when we surrender our will; surrender our desires; our own selfish ambition: it proves our loyalty and absolute obedience to God. And while it took some hurt to do that, God’s love restores it and sets us up for something even greater: Him…

So, consider where you and where you are going. Are you stretching a rubber band farther than it should go? If so, what rubber band in your life needs to be released today?