Today’s guest author is Renee Fisher. Leave a comment below (by midnight March 19) to be entered to win a copy her new book, “Not Another Dating Book.”

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Loyalty Pains
By Renee Fisher

I want to let you in on a secret. When I wrote “Not Another Dating Book” I had been single pretty much my whole life. I was fast approaching 29 years old with no man in sight. Some of my friends were already married, some had kids and weren’t married, and others were serial daters but hadn’t met anyone of quality–yet. I wanted to write a book that could help you find your own love story, the most important being with God!

Today if you find yourself nursing a broken heart as a single, inside of marriage, or just not sure where to begin to have healthy relationships–read and be encouraged!

Loyalty. It hurts when someone leaves, breaks up, or cheats on you. It hurts beyond words. Misery loves company, and that’s why God asks us to get connected. We’re here to encourage one another. Take long walks. Talk and share. Pray together and point each other back to God–even when He is silent.

Leah is the best biblical example of this. She was not loved. Nor was she the favorite wife of Jacob. After Leah’s father tricked Jacob into marrying her, Jacob spent seven years working for the hand of her young sister, Rachel. Ouch. Talk about a loyal pain. But the Lord noticed her misery. As Ann Spangler and Jean Syswerda put it, “The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (Leah’s husband) looked down and saw a woman who was lonely and sad because her husband loved his other wife better than he loved her. So, to ease her sorrow, to provide her comfort, God gave her children–beautiful, upright, strong children, one of whom would found the lineage of the priests of Israel and another who was an ancestor of Jesus Himself.”

I know some of you–myself included–have experienced deep sorrow from a painful breakup. From someone breaking his or her commitment. Maybe you’re the one who broke it. You never know how God’s going to redeem your love story. He’s still writing the pages as we speak. Learn to trust Him and put your hand in His. He’ll lead you down the path of righteousness. Next time you’re tempted to believe you’re the only one with heartache in relationships, take heart and think again.

Since the time of Genesis God has been making and remaking His covenant to His people. Unlike your ex, “God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” (Numbers 23:19). No. Say it again: No! No loyalty pains or broken commitments can separate you from God’s love. (Excerpt from Not Another Dating Book, © Harvest House, Eugene, OR).

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I would like to say I am a good girl. I would like to say I am innocent. I would like to say my thoughts are pure…but the truth is, I simply cannot say that of myself. The truth is, I am 22 years old and more than half of my life, I have had an addiction to pornography.

I was the type of kid who always knew too much for my own good. I read a lot and I’m pretty sure I knew what sex was by the time I was seven or eight even though I had never seen the actual act. I started “exploring my body” aka masturbating around that time as well. One day when I was ten years old, I was doing my laundry at the Laundromat in our apartment complex and I came across a magazine someone had left behind. It was a pornographic magazine. I picked it up and thumbed through it. And so began my first experience with pornography.

I had never seen anything like it—it was all new to me. Still shocked at what I’d found, I folded the magazine in half and took it with me to show to my best friend. She had always been a bit of a wild child. Her response was “that’s nothing, wait ‘til you see the tapes my mom has.” That day, I watched porn for the first time. I saw actual sex, which I had only had a head-knowledge of before, and it became a real, living, and breathing thing to me. That day I became caught in the death-grip of pornography, and I have been clenched there ever since.

A few years passed and so others would not know, I was secretly obsessed with sex and anything related I continued to watch and look at whatever I could get my hands on. This wasn’t very difficult because I had a brother three years my senior who kept a hidden stash. I would often volunteer to stay home alone and so I could watch and masturbate.

I hadn’t been raised in church. But when I was 16 (2005), a girl from school invited me to something at her church. I didn’t really want to go but I went anyway. People often say that they were radically saved but I think every salvation…God reconciling sinners to himself is radical. Anyway, I went to this church and kept coming back because they kept inviting me back. It really wasn’t my cup of tea. To me, the Gospel of Jesus Christ was nothing more than a story, something like a fable and I remained unchanged. This went on for about a year and a half then I slowly began to want to know more, I started asking questions and reading the bible, which I had never done. I can’t recall the exact date that the Lord saved me but I do know that as I continued to hear the Gospel, I began to HEAR the Gospel and as I did it became more than just a story to me. I saw myself in it and not just as the apathetic onlooker I had once made myself out to be. I was among the scoffers that ridiculed, mocked and yelled “crucify!” I saw my sin for what it was, rebellion against the one true God and that His just wrath was what I deserved. I ran to the only place I could…into the arms of my Savior. My heart has been changed and I know I will never be the same.

I wish I could say that from that time onward, I never looked at pornography or masturbated ever again. I wish I could say I never cut myself again, doubting even for a second that Jesus took the scars bearing the full wrath of God in my place so I could be free. Truth is, the last time I cut myself was on October 21st, 2010. And the last time I viewed pornography was January 28th, 2011. Masturbation is a daily struggle that I just can’t seem to get victory over no matter how ashamed and disgusted I get with myself. Every day I don’t give in is a small victory.

It’s hard though. I think I’ve made it harder on myself by silently carrying the burden of my addiction. Too afraid to say it out loud, and too ashamed to tell it again. I’ve told a handful of people in my life my story and to them, “the perfect Christians” they started treating me differently withdrawing somewhat and never once encouraging me in the fight. I’ll be honest, I was hurt by their responses, but I’m not angry with these particular women. They just didn’t understand. If someone has never experienced this addiction and never travelled on this journey, it’s harder for them to understand what we are going through. So I learned not to talk about these things. But I’ve also learned the hard way that silence doesn’t mean the problem doesn’t exist. Sure, I can put up a front to those around me, but it doesn’t make the issue disappear. I have days where I want nothing more than to let it all out to yell to the world “yes, I struggle with sexual sins, I have struggled with pornography for more than half of my life, my thought life is as impure as they come, and I struggle with masturbation! I’m not perfect, but don’t look at me as though you are because you aren’t either!” Then I have other days where the very thought makes my stomach churn and my palms start to sweat.

I’m scared. It’s no secret that I am afraid. If I weren’t afraid, the people around me would know that I have a pornography problem and an even deeper problem with lust. If I weren’t afraid, the things I tweet as @silentstruggle would be on my other twitter account that actually has my real name, location, picture, life (or at least the life I reveal to others, etc.). I’ve realized that it’s okay to be afraid though. Fear doesn’t mean all is hopeless. I’m done pretending. I struggle. I fail. I don’t have it all together…but I am His. This is me…all of me- the good, the bad, the ugly, the victorious, and the defeated. It is a fight for purity. When I get to heaven I want to be covered in battle scars from fighting the good fight, instead of the pristine skin of compromise.

Today’s post comes from the amazing Nicole Wick. This woman is a prayer warrior and an encourager like no other—definitely someone you want on your side. She is a feature blogger at XXXChurch.com and understands the pain of sexual addiction probably better than anyone I know. I am honored to have her post here today.

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Each January I join a few million other people in making New Year’s resolutions. I can’t help myself. I get sucked in by all of the New Year’s store adverts for yoga mats, hand weights, and closet organizers. Most years my resolutions have involved eating less or exercising more. And, like 95% of people in the resolution cohort, I have failed miserably at maintaining my resolve. That is, until 2009.

I made a flip comment to my husband last January that I would finally make a resolution that I could commit to. What you ask? Watch more reality TV. (Note: This is actually a true story. Please don’t unfollow me.) I was a smashing success.

Anyway, the year of reality TV aside, my New Year’s resolutions have been a bust. And I think most things are when we are relying on our self-will. I’ve hung out in tons of 12 Step circles through our years in recovery, and if I’ve learned one thing it’s this: will power will typically get you nowhere. When I make promises to myself, by myself, they have a tendency to fail even if they are well intentioned.

The first part of Isaiah 45:23 says: “I have sworn by my own name; I have spoken the truth, and will never go back on my word.” (NLT)

I love that. God swears by His own name. He promised Himself that He will not go back on His word. Who else can swear by their own name and make it count? I know I can’t. I have sworn that I would do a lot of things, and while I have actually done many of them ,I have also left a lot undone. The name Nicole is no match for the name Almighty, Yahweh, Elohim. My name is no match for the name of Jesus.

So I guess here’s the bottom line: good intentions are only good intentions, and resolutions are only words. I’m hopeful that this year will be the year that I lose 25 pounds (75 perhaps?) or use my day planner with absolute precision and consistency… we’ll see. But here is what I know for certain: the power and conviction to do it – anything – the big things or the small things, comes from one who will never go back on His word, who speaks all truth, and has the authority to swear by His own powerful name.

Today’s post is from Kyle Reed from the piece of internet real estate, Thoughts About Nothing. I pretty much met Kyle through Twitter and have quickly become impressed with his candor and also his contagious passion for the Church connecting together. I am most encouraged by how he’s allowing God to use him in a big way—and helping pave the way for other young people in ministry. He’s forming a movement called Mentor Me Project that I hope he’ll write about here in the next couple of weeks. But in the meantime, enjoy what he has to say today.

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I am really good at making eye contact. In fact, I think I am one of the best at looking into someones eyes as they talk (I am humble as well). I have a method for my skills that I will pass along to you the reader to better your eye contact skills. Instead of actually looking into another persons eyes, you want to look right in-between their eyes. This takes time to perfect, but it will come. I am so good, that you would have no clue that I am not looking you in the eyes and am instead staring at your unibrow. In fact, I am so focused in on this gift that I normally do not even hear what the other person is saying. Instead I let my eyes do the talking (or is that talking) and stay locked onto that forehead and show good “listening skills.”

I am really good at talking about myself. You would not believe how good I sound when I talk about myself (Remember, I am humble). This skill is greatly complimented by the eye contact skill. I have found that if I make good eye contact it will show that I am interested in what is being said without actually having to be interested. You might think that these two skills could get me a long way with people, and to some degree they have, but I tend to use them the most with God.

I can look towards the heavens, open my arms, keep my mouth shut, and wait with the best of them. But ultimately I am waiting to get the conversation back to me. Usually it goes something like this, “Yes God I know that you want me to be quiet, but can you help me learn how to have more peace in my life.” I use all of my listening skills with God, tuning out what He has to say to get to what I have to say. In my conversations with God I tend to try and play the role reversal game, pretending like I am God and doing the talking. I have found that until I become quiet and listen, God does not talk to me.

It amazes me that listening can be more important then talking. That there can be more power in the way you listen then in the way you talk. I like what this old Chinese proverb says: “To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation…”

Maybe, instead of talking we should start listening.

Today’s post is from Serena Woods, the author of Grace Is For Sinners. She is a woman of great passion, forgiveness and a whole lot of grace. She shares her story through writing so that we might feel less alone… and to help others come through their own experiences a little less scarred. I am so glad she accepted my invitation to write here today.

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The audacity of grace is the hardest thing, as a Christian, to deal with. We serve a God who pardons sins with no recollection. But, we live with minds that remember them, full well. Why can’t we be like God? Why can’t we forget, too?

Wouldn’t our song have more life? If we could erase the pain, wouldn’t our step have more bounce? The memory and the scars tear us down to skin and bones. Bitterness soils our sheets. Pain flavors our toothpaste. Our resentment turns our coffee cold. Our shoes are heavy. Our empty stomachs bloat with stress.

Where is the glory of God in his forgiveness? Where does it help you for him to forgive them? They’re not even sorry!

Are we like Jonah? He preached to the Ninevites. Vile sinners, open and flagrant. Shameless. He told them what God told him to say and they repented. Then, Jonah, a prophet, a man of God, was furious. He practically spit on the work that God did when he pardoned the huge city of sin from their due.

‘Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, “God! I _knew it—when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That’s why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness!’ – Jonah 4:1-2

The audacity of grace. This two-fisted forgiveness that uses no gauge. Mercy that shows no respect to whom the mercy takes justice from.

Where is the glory of God in his forgiveness, you ask? To whom do you wish to bestow glory? Yourself? Isn’t that why you’re angry? Isn’t that why you withhold grace?

Where does it help you for him to forgive them, you wonder? Is this about you? Maybe it is, but not in a way you think it is. Maybe it’s a device to aid you in letting go of your ’self’. Maybe your pain is your plank.

You think they’re not sorry? What makes you an expert on the inner workings of another man’s heart?

‘So don’t get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of—inner motives and purposes and prayers. … It’s important to look at things from God’s point of view. I would rather not see you inflating or deflating reputations based on mere hearsay. For who do you know that really knows you, knows your heart?’ – 1 Corinthians 4:5-7

You can sulk if you want.

‘God arranged for a broad-leafed tree to spring up. It grew over Jonah to cool him off and get him out of his angry sulk. Jonah was pleased and enjoyed the shade. Life was looking up. But then God sent a worm. By dawn of the next day, the worm had bored into the shade tree and it withered away. The sun came up and God sent a hot, blistering wind from the east. The sun beat down on Jonah’s head and he started to faint.‘ – Jonah 4:6-8

You can complain about the shade tree God grew for you one night and took away the next.

”What right do you have to get angry…?” – God, Jonah 4:9

Don’t be so shortsighted that you forget that there is so much that we don’t know and the only way to be right is to LOVE.

‘When you add up everything in the law code, the sum total is love.’ – Romans 13:8