Hi, my name is Crystal and I’m a Stat Ho.
I’m just going to be honest with you that since returning from my 2-month break from blogging, I’ve been struggling with reconciling my current stat numbers with those from before my break. Stats meaning, the amount of traffic that comes to my little piece of internet real estate.
Going into my blog break, I more than mentally prepared myself that some folks weren’t going to come back. That I was going to lose some readers. And I thought I was okay with that. But since coming back, I just feel retched. I didn’t take into consideration what losing some readers would to me emotionally.
The numbers before my break and after my break now, are extraordinarily different. And not for the better as you’ve guessed by now. It is like I left to work on some things that were important to me and future ministry, just to come back and find that no one’s around. Like I’ve been abandoned and left without support. Like the last 5+ years of writing here may even have been in vain.
And it is totally bumming me out.
Granted, it isn’t as though no one shows up. And to those of you who do and are reading this now, I am not overlooking you. Really, I’m not. In fact, you’re my one shimmer of hope in this whole crazy thing. And I also know that none of this is even supposed to be about me. But for some reason I keep getting in the way.
I just wanted to share this with you that here today, this is my struggle. I know, I sound like a strange combination of childish, insecure and elitist – but that’s totally not my intention or my point. This feeling of inadequacy and insecurity has even prevented me from posting some things because I don’t feel “good” enough anymore.
So, I don’t know if you ever struggle with this sort of thing (as a writer, as a blogger, etc.) but I do. And I am right now. But hopefully I’ll snap out of it soon… Lord knows there’s much to say and I need to just get over myself. That even if I was the only one to read any of it – that needs to be good enough.
I’m just not quite there yet, I guess.